Progress over perfection

Hi. My name is Melissa and I’m a perfectionist. Well, recovering perfectionist. Over the years I’ve stopped short of some really great things. I desired perfection so badly that I’d rather settle for nothing than settle for good enough. This tendency has bit me in my work, my parenting, my “wifing” and especially in my writing.

Today I want to admonish you with three ways to say no to perfection and yes to progress. Begin, begin again and finish.

Let’s start with begin. This should be really easy but if you struggle with perfectionism you’ll want to wait till all the conditions are just right. You see procrastination and perfectionism go hand in hand.

New workout regimen? We think, I’ll wait till Monday, or the first of the month, or the new year! Big, important project? One may decide, I’ll wait till I feel super smart and creative and alert. Maybe later today or tomorrow. I still have a week before it due, so what’s the big deal? Well, that perfect state of zen and creative energy never comes and now you’ve only got 2 days to do a, realistically, 5 day project.

We must just dive in. The perfect time will never come. We can’t just wait till the muse shows up before we create. As author Steven Pressfield says, “The Muse honors the working stiff.” He also talks heavily about something he calls resistance. Resistance is a force that will use any means necessary to stop your creative activity (no mater what field the creation is in)—whether it be rationalizing, emphasizing other distractions that require attention, raising the voice of your inner critic, and a trusty favorite ... fear.

He writes:

"Resistance is experienced as fear; the degree of fear equates to the strength of Resistance. Therefore the more fear we feel about a specific enterprise, the more certain we can be that that enterprise is important to us and to the growth of our soul. That's why we feel so much Resistance. If it meant nothing to us, there'd be no Resistance.”

Feel the resistance, and know that if you feel it, it must be because what you are doing is important—so move forward in spite of it.

We must also learn the art of beginning again. Nine times out of ten things won’t work out just how you planned. You’ve set up steps to achieve your goal or to create a new habit, and sure enough you mess up, miss a day or get behind.

If you’re a perfectionist this is where you may beat yourself up a little. You may decide you’re not cut out for what you had planned. This is where you may stop making progress. And though you don’t say you’re done, or that you quit—you stop in your tracks—so by default you do quit.

Days, then months, then maybe even years go by before you get back at that. That is, assuming it was an important goal.

When you get to this place you need to give yourself the grace to begin again, no matter how long it’s been. If it’s important it’s worth beginning again hundreds of times if necessary.

And listen, beginning again is the most important step. It may not seem like it because it’s in the middle—and the middle never gets any glory—but this where the magic happens. Even if it never feels magical.

With practice the hope is that the gap of time between messing up and beginning again will get shorter and shorter. Let’s become experts at beginning again quickly!

Lastly, we have to finish.

The problem is, when you are struggling with perfectionism, letting something be done is hard. You never feel like it’s quite ready, or like you’re quite ready.

This is where deadlines are important. Public deadlines if possible. You’ll need accountability so that you are forced to have an end point. Otherwise you might never finish.

That being said, if you have a goal: like a presentation you want to give, a group or event you want to initiate, a book you want to write, a course you want to take (or create), a record you want to break, a business you want to start, some pounds you want to lose or miles you want to run ... tell somebody!

You don’t have to post it on social media (unless you think that will help), but tell a spouse, a sibling, a friend, a mentor and have them help you figure out a date by which to finish. You may even want to set up some in-between check-ins if you are as bad at procrastinating as I’ve been.

So I encourage you ...

Make your next move in an important area of your life. Be it to begin, begin again or finish. Don’t let the illusion of perfectionism steal the joy of progress. 

Simply put, keep moving.